Dan K's Inferno

Dan Krisch: This Crystal Ball Is Full Of Wisecracks

, The Connecticut Law Tribune

   |0 Comments

• In 2014, Puerto Rico will secede … from the First Circuit. (Seriously, though, does anyone on the Senate Judiciary Committee own a map??)

• In 2014, at least one major American law school will switch to an optional third-year format. Not to be outdone, Harvard and Yale will add a mandatory fourth year that will consist entirely of studying the Blue Book and cite-checking Law Review articles.

• In 2014, Judges Richard Posner, Alex Kosinski and J. Michael Luttig will form a rhythm & blues band called The Circuit Riders that will tour the country to rave reviews – but they'll be booed offstage at a benefit concert in Berkley, Cal.

• In 2014, the elevators in the New Haven and Bridgeport courthouses will run smoothly and efficiently. (As I said, some of these are simply wishful thinking.)

• In 2014, the Judicial Branch will approve a pilot program of limited-scope appellate representation – and I will make a fortune writing reply briefs and handling the rebuttal portion of oral arguments.

• In 2014, the Judiciary Committee will reject the Frutarian Society of America's proposal for a Plant Bill of Rights. Among the enumerated provisions: equal sunlight for leafy and non-leafy species, new potting soil every six months and cat protection nets for ferns.

• In 2014, after a stunning sweep of the mid-term elections, the Republican majority in the Senate will retroactively reject all of President Barack Obama's judicial nominees and will create a Select Committee to investigate the link between Kenyan birth and climate change.

• In 2014, we will leave the world a better place than we found it. (Let's hope that one isn't just wishful thinking. Happy New Year, everyone!)

What's being said

Comments are not moderated. To report offensive comments, click here.

Preparing comment abuse report for Article# 1202636654714

Thank you!

This article's comments will be reviewed.